Sunday, September 8, 2013

unorganized post

Getting stress-er each day. So many undone tasks. Final in less than a month. I honestly dont have any idea what my life is about. I keep doing something i dont like, something i dont even want to do, something i dont know why i do. i just follow the flow, flow yang tak tahu hendak ke mana. who am i? WHAT i want to be? WHAT i suppose to be?! Im in dilemma, life dilemma. Where should i go? What should i do?

Trying to be someone else is very me. Trying so hard to be nice while its obv not me. Living in a mess surrounding , unorganized works, unorganized stuffs, unorganized life. yea that the right word UNORGANIZED LIFE. 

Trying so hard to not care, trying so hard to act cool as i can , that is a lie. but if that is a lie who is the real me. i dont reveal me yet. 

once i said i want to be a doctor but i just realized i hate blood and wound. once i said i want to be a lawyer because i want to be someone's savior. i want to save innocent people. i want to investigate. once i said i want to be an accountant because i love calculating. but then someone told me there's so many accountants out there. and at this moment i hv set my goal to be a philosopher but i dont know what philosopher is. philosopher sounds good and i want to be a philosopher. WHAT IS THIS. and somehow i want to be a politician . its not i love politic that much, i just want to know the real things. i want to feel the dirty of politic world. i curious. im tired with all those lies on newspaper, television and politics' blog. i want to know the truth. 

i hate thriller. i hate black metal songs. i hate violent. i want to live in a peace world. no wars no lies, just me and a peace world. 

i hate how judgmental (or maybe JUDGEMENTAL idk) we are. i hope i can restart my life. i want to forget everything and start a brand new life. my mind is a mess. how to rearrange all these things. i hate how unfair this world could be. i hate someone who cant think properly and follow their so called leader and heard to everything what s/he said. i hate the fact that i wrote this entire post.