My sister thought i was kidding when i told her i got an extra class on sunday. Not surprise, it was chemistry. Seems like i love chemistry even more now because i start to understand what chemistry is all about.
Dont ask me what Izz trying to do
At the school compound. I dont know this reminds me of picnic. Yeah, we were having picnic at the school compound with chemistry!
My group. Everyone seems so busy while i, like always vaining.
Being too emotional lately. Once i said, i am turning to someone i hate and it almost become a reality. Now i do believe that talk is pray. From now on , i promise myself to only talk about good things. Not promise but try. Can or not , i am still going to try.
Enough with emotional yet super duper annoying post related with emotional and feelings, today im going to share to you about my life. My life now is absolutely about things happening at school and you know school, the place where emotional taking its place and controls me. OKAY IVE ALREADY PROMISED YOU AN ENJOYFUL POST NOT EMOTIONAL AGAIN. Okay. Okay, so much okay in a post. RIGHT NOW LETS START.
Last week was photoshoot week. I still can remember my mom's reaction when i told her that this week is photoshoot week so i want to look neat, at least not sloppy like always. Me +( school uniform X school) = *put your own answer*. Okay back to the story, MY MOM WAS VERY ECSTATIC SHE REALLY THOUGHT HER SLOPPY DAUGHTER DOES REALLY ALREADY BE A MODEL FOR AN EXTRA SIZE APPAREL. Fine. Then i said "no mom its just school magazine". And you guess her reaction!
Day 1 (class photoshoot)
Woke up in the morning. ((Lol why i wrote this everyone knew it)). Went to school , brought along glitter scarf and headband because my classmates said we are going to wrap that around our head as our signature class look. Since i didnt have any scarf , i stole my sister's scarf. No, thats not really stealing it is called sharing. Whats the purpose of having a sister who owns a bunch of scarves if we didnt share. Remember that sharing is caring. But need also remember that, your things are ours together, my thing are mine alone. Since you are an elder sister, it is a responsible to give your things to your little (cute) sister.
After chemist, theres no class. Happinessssssssss. I was joining few of my classmates vaining at the back of the class. Theres a mirror there and you know when girls meet mirror, friends foreverrrrrrrr.
Our photoshoot was exactly before recess. Cant handle our excitement on how to smile during formal, should we showing out our teeth or maybe just grinning.
The moment when we were exactly at our place for photoshoot, my english teacher suddenly came and asked us to finish photoshoot as soon as possible because our penolong kanan was going to examine our class. We were so rushed up. I cant even remember how i smile. But all i know it must be awkward. The scarf and headband that i brought are useless. My friends and i ended up just holding each others hand during candid and that is so typical. Right after english, we were having a look at other class photoshoot, and that was so frustrating since all of them were very calm and well prepared. Jealousy strikes us like hell.
(Dont spot me)
Day 2 (uniform photoshoot)
I was late for school!! I reached school at 7.50am , 20 minutes late. During add maths suddenly a boy came and asked me to go down for photoshoot. I was shocked! I didnt remember that i was also an ajk tertinggi. Lol. I actually i was not chosen appropriately. The secretary is my friend, before she was voted to be a secretary , i told her how i wish i can get at least a position. Then she put my name as an ajk. Haha. BUT I DO MY WORK OKAY
Day 3 (club photoshoot)
This is the funniest among all. This day i was fully ready with my other friends. Since in the morning, we were waiting for our name to be called. Everyone who came in, we will stare at them and wish our name be called. We cant even focus in class. Every 5 minute, someone is coming and call my other classmates. Izz and i were almost gave up and made assumption maybe the magazine crew forgot our club since my club is an underdog club.
Finally we were called. We waited about an hour before the photoshoot waiting at the school compound like crazy. We were waiting for our club teacher to come. And guess what?! The crew didnt even called our teacher. We have to call ourselves! I know i must not blame them, they must be so tired. Ah whatever.
So that is all about my photoshoot week. Final year as a high school student made me feel sad. No more school uniform after this. I know i must enjoy every second of my life now. I know. I know. But i prefer to be lazy and procrastinate and hating people either. Haihh.
Laziness taking over me. I am so lazy. So so so so so so lazy. Lazy lazy and lazy. I even lazy to type because i am lazy. I am the laziest person alive at this moment. I AM SO LAZY.
All this laziness behaviour scared me. I have a lot of things to be done. My dreams are way too big than anyone else. Obviously im not going to tell anyone here because that is so funny and ridiculous yet so hard to achieve. But i do believe in me. I do believe in the Almighty.
"Nothing is impossible with the help of the Almighty"
This is what i keep saying to myself when 'someone i trust a lot but never support me in everything ' trying to make me feeling down. I never know her problem. She always make me heartache; whether with intention or not. Make me feeling down is her hobby. Maybe her intention is to wake me up from my too-good-to-be-true dreams. Whatever. I do take it as a challenge in order to get what i want. You know what is the best thing can ever happen to someone's life? It is when other people say you cannot and then you prove them wrong. For me, it is a big satisfaction. I dont want to brag because i dont even achieve anything yet to prove them wrong.
Just because i am not as "good" as them through their apperance in so many things like, the way they dress up, talk, walk and laugh doesnt mean they can look down me. Look down if you want but please do treat me at least like a human. You are annoyed me in everything more than you feel annoyed with me. Frankly, i wish i never met a lot of people i know now. Being alone sometimes is all i want, what i meant by "all i want" is what i WANT not what i can be. I have tried to be alone but i cant. Thats my nature. I must be surrounded because i have to. What a hateful pyscic life.
It make want to throw up when someone mentioned "be yourself". They should add "and get judged" after saying that so called advice.
1. Today is a relaxing day. The only subjects i learnt are chemistry and english.
2. I ate kit kat ice cream. The last time i ate that ice cream when i was 12. Wow thats a very long period!
3. Good food!
4. For another living. I am so grateful for every breath i inhaled today. Allah gave me another chance to change myself to a better me.
5. I am grateful because i am not a true instagrammer. I do have an instagram account but im not addicted to that, at all. What do you expect from someone who only got 5 followers and posted unnecessary fangirling photo over Gossip Girl. Haha funny. Everything is so funny. Ha ha ha how i wish i could share what im thinking right now but i know i cant because it might be harsh to someone out there.
Look back at my older posts on my private blog. Most of the posts are long and full with typos. How i miss that time when i can just express everything without thinking who is going to view and terasa with what i wrote. Things change. Obviously, they are.
Today , i am feeling so down. The feeling of not being good enough disturbing my mind since in the morning. Since i am very good in pretending, i bet no one realized. Or maybe no one even cares. Comparing myself with others made me realized how small and useless i am. Compared to them , i totally have no peculiarity. Not beautiful, not smart , not talented, not active, not a good writer ;basically i am good at nothing besides can talk shit 24/7. Talk about humble, how i wish i can be a successful woman and respected by the society and of course at the same time is very humble. I do talk a lot with my friends about so many things, my prime intention is actually want to have something to talk about, but at last what i looked is like exaggerating over the smallest thing. I cant imagine, if im not talking and just be quiet, would i have friends?
Maybe this is just me. Talking and making noise is me. I do enjoy doing that at those moment and regret ever single word i talked at home. It sometimes do disturb my study and sleepinh schedule. Pretending to be happy is my major talent (or maybe the only talent i have). I hate to write about this actually, it make me look 1000 times worse than who i am now. Even worsen, i hate to say that i am now struggling from insecurities. Being insecurity is what i want to get rid of. When i do tell some people i trust and asked for their advice, all i get is something i already knew which means it didnt help. At all. To not make them feel unwanted, i will thanks for all the advices and said that i am fine. Hate to say again, i am typical. I am too typical to be special. Like what i stated before, being out of ordinary is my weakness.
You will probably vomit if i just let everything in my head goes out. Because i am having this hard-to-face-reality-problem. I just hope you all are having a very good life to live on. Do believe in yourself and do take me as a bad example to follow. At least, it will meant something to me.
I am tired of lying. Lying to myself that everything will be alright. Lying to myself , saying that i am tough when i know that im not. Lying that i am actually is a brilliant one, i am just lazy. Lying to people, show to the world how happy and problem-free i am. Lying that im so fine when im actually not.
I do lying to myself to do this and that in order to achieve my seems-impossible-to-achieve-dreams.
Maybe its just another stage that i have to pass through in order to be a better person. Maybe.
I really need someone that i can spill out everything. Without judging how ludicrous i can be. Without correcting me even though i am clearly wrong. Its not that i am always right, i do know i am wrong. I do know. I just knew it. I know.
I am so complicated. I described myself as a complicated since i dont know what i want, what i want to be, everything about me is just something i cant describe. To me, i am complicated. I never know what you think about me, it is better for me not to know. If i know i might hate you because possibly 99% who knew me in personal dont like me so much. They keep pretending like they do like, but i know they dont like as much as they try to show they like. Ironically, even i knew it , i dont make any drastic transformation to be a better person. I may be accepted but not liked. Or maybe to the world, i am just another typical girl with her typical problems. Perhaps im not one of them. Being typical is what i want to get rid of.
If only someone come to me someday and say they hate me, i probably will respond with something like "Great to know! I hate myself either!" With a very "cheerful" face paste on.
Is the whole world is hypocrite or am i the only one? If byfar i am hypocrite, then what the unhypocrite version of me would be?
Since i am not nice in reality, did my other version of me is a very nice one? Astonishing!
Being a writer is my current passion. I do change my passion every month or maybe every week or day or hour or minute. When i looked at my reflection, i laughed. How funny someone could be.
I finally force my parents watch Warkah Terakhir : Rosli Dhobi. The history-based drama full with emotional and meaningful incidences.
I do really enjoy that 8 episodes drama. I want to congratulate the whole crew because they successly made the drama real. The actors are so good and do really done their best. Especially Beto Khusyairy who played as the Rosli Dhobi. The way he spoke Sarawak slang is so real. No words can describe how i appreciated Warkah Terakhir.
The one who responsible that introduce me to this drama is the one and only Ameera. When we were 15, we were addicted to Sejarah(History)We do love Sejarah. I find Sejarah is very interesting. As well as we addicted to Rosli Dhobi then to Beto. I still remembered the day when we watch Istanbul Aku Datang at the cinema. Ameera and I cant stop laughing whenever Beto was on the screen. People behind us were quite annoyed with us because we cant just stop laughing since we were talking about Beto for about 3 months.
He is maybe not that popular actor with extra good looking feature but he can act very well. He has the real talent. Nowadays, movies are no longer for the talented but more to popular. As long as you are good looking and popular, you can act. Even your act are so unnatural and fake, but you are popular you can act. That is not what the real quality is. Quality is not only based on looking, but the entire product. Good looking are extra. Lisa Surihani has both of them. She is good looking to the max , so good in acting , even her very first appearance on I'm not Single along with Farid Kamil was fantastic. Besides looking and talent, she also an educated lady. Basically, Lisa Surihani is a lady with class.
Back to the point, everyone should watch Warkah Terakhir. I dont about the ulangan on tv, but what i can promise you is you can watch it on youtube. Warkah Terakhir consists of 8 episodes in total. Dont miss any of the episodes. I bet you wont regret watch that drama.
If you are soft-hearted ((like me errr)), do keep a packet of tissue because if you really understand it, this story is so sad.
Moral of the drama is; dont easily affected. Do appreciate what we have today. It is not easy to build a country. Do appeciate our pejuang tempatan.
Hahahaha suddenly this post is being too patriotic.
Happy birthday the best BM teacher alive, Puan Nazilah.
Ok story closed for Puan Nazilah.
One thing I will never understand about our people (Malaysians). Today, we have lost one of our negarawan. Late Karpal Singh. Some people still can manipulate over his death saying this and that. Respect. Thats all you have to do. Put aside all your political views and whatever views upon him. Please do respect others as you wish people do respect you.
This stage of life. Between dreams and reality. Two whole different worlds. Hope and wish. Keep telling myself that everything is going to be alright. The dreams and ambitions. To be someone respectful, successful and get out of this kind of life. Lie. World is a lie. Everything in it is a lie. People lie. Relationship with the Almighty is getting loose. Perhaps I can do something to make things better. PERHAPS.
Fairytales. When you grow up, you are going to be a beautiful young lady, holding a degree. Your primce charming will come somehow bring you a bouquet of flowers with a note sound , " Have a nice day my beautiful lover". Epic.
If I were given an oppurtunity to give an advice to the kids, I will say , "Dont ever wish to grow up". Spoil? Yeap. I have to tell them the true. Not a fancy one. I will ban all Disney movies that spoilt our kids by believing in happy ending. That spoilt me personally.
My family members are my biggest stalkers. They found a picture of me tagged by izz on facebook. Like always, i am going to be the 'hottest' joke in the family for this one week long. I.look.unarguably.hideous.at.school.
From left, anisah, izz and me
The chemistry Q & A session today went very well. To the class. But obviously not to me. I was the first victim who need to answer the question. After all, the simplest ever question been asked.I do make some revisions from Sunday. I focused on hard sub-topic. I dont even put an eye at the definition which means the muqadimah (introduction) of the topic. Ha ha ha.
(My i-think map for Chemistry i-think map competition. The easiest among all. Let's take granted for bad March test result so that your groupmates wont force you do what you dont want. Hehe))
Life's getting tougher. Or i'm get weaker?!
Slept at 3 for doing nothing and being a sleepyhead at school. Typical bobby.
Pardon me if i keep sharing unrelated photos on my blog. My blog is my instagram , my twitter , my facebook, my dayre, my tumblr , my weheartit, my pinterest and not to mention my myspace. My blog is my instagram without giving a shit on how many people going to like on my post. My twitter without freaking 140 words limit. My facebook without unnecessary requests on games.
Since last Biology's class, i decided to start my 'protein diet'. I cut carbo on my daily diet. It work, for THREE days ((u can laugh now)). As a Malaysian, rice is a must. Rice is our makanan ruji. Most Malaysians cannot live without rice. My mom would feel dizzy if she didnt consume rice for a day. Same goes to my friend ((no worries dude i wont mention your name hehe ;p))
Thats not the purpose of this post actually.
My brother is a big fan of Manchester City FC. I cant remember since when but all i know is he's a big fan of MCFC. The game between Manchester City and Liverpool today was such a heartbreaking for him since his beloved team lose to Liverpool. 3-2.
Let me share to you something, my family and I were having our dinner at one local tomyam restaurant near my house. The moment Liverpool scored their second goal, my brother was drowning in tears. I couldnt help myself from laughing. Everyone at the restaurant was celebrating the goal happily while my brother was suffering and crying and hid in my mom's tudung.
PESTA PANTUN ANTARA SBT 2014 at Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka. My team is the winner overall im just so good in berpantun. LOL JK I JUST INVITED TO BE A SPECTATOR HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.I dont even know how to berpantun muahaha. And my school win nothing. A school named KISAS won the tittle. Congrats.
Okay the comptetition is so hard. I never know the competition can be co damn hard. Or maybe im not talented.
Here i present to you my deskmate for two years, my gossip mate, my best friend.
This is just a photo of mentos on my kain sekolah because i am so boring dont know what to do
Remember i told you about the drama for ulbs? After a week, my friends and i finally done it! We are well prepared. We practice and practice and practice. Whenever had a gap between each subject , we practice! Before the recess, we practice. We believe that practice make perfect.
So just now we just done ours. We almost get 6/6 but then I laugh in the middle of the play. Wa ha ha. I felt so guilty for them. But what can i do. We've done our best.
So this is our script
I play as Life , ain as Death , sheda as Youth and Izz as the girl (on fire).
Having so much fun throughout this ulbs. Might miss all the excitements. Now i have to focus on gurindam which is MUCH MORE ANNOYING THAN EVER! Imagine bergurindam in front of the class.
Right now, something is disturbing my mind. I bet everyone had exposed to something like 'be yourself'. Eh wait. I think i already talk about this before but whatever.
When i be myself people judge. Worsen , they hate me. When im not being myself , they say i am fake. They ask why i look different, whats wrong with me, etc. Sometimes i dont give a fck because i do hate myself as well. But it not as easy as it look, i say i dont care but deep inside i do. I can hate myself but you cant. Its not as harsh as that. But urghh i just dont know how to tell!! Sometimes i do wish everyone to not care about me and leave me alone but i want people to care. Complicated as hell.
Everyday, before i start my day i do wish to change and be someone better but the surrounding wont let me did it. How i wish i can travel to anywhere i want, meet different people everyday so that i can do whatever i want without anyone comparing who i was before to who i am now. My life is narrow. I dont meet a lot of people. I dont travel a lot. I dont exposed to many places before. I dont live in many surroundings. And i dont read so many books before.
This is just a very emotional yet useless post. I dont know i feel unhappy. I wont state why because thats a really idiot reason. Everything is going wrong nowadays for me. I just hate it. I feel like punching everyone, i feel like kicking everything i feel like screaming i feel like AAAAAHHHHHHH. Fuck life. I dont want to say tht word BUT IDK THAT WORD CALM ME. Then fuck everything, go to hell. I hate everything.
First April. April fool. Thats what some people looking forward on first April. In Malaysia, we don't take April fool seriously.
I don't need anyone to prank me on April fool as a joke because my whole life is actually a joke.
One of the biggest joke of my life is, I was voted being a chairman for an underdog club at my school. That is so funny. I can not believe that theres people who think i can be a leader. Of course they dont know me thats why they chose me. But the question is why me? The opponents are my bestfriends which are Ain and Izz. Both of them are prettier , neater and much better than me in everything. I still can remember the day when i was chosen. I was very clueless and fucking shock. I expect nothing. And even, now, i still can't believe it. Even though thats just an underdog club, but it means a lot to me.
But one clear thing that I remember is, right before the voting session, i smile to a group of students which are my junior - the voters. I think that is one of the factors (or maybe the only factor) why i was chosen.
Now, can you see how a simple smile can change your life?