I am not a perfect person. I don't have an amazing life. I am not a really pretty person, i have a shitty attitude sometimes . I know some people just don't like me for who i am.
At this point, can i ask you an important question?
Do i care?
For this time being, honestly,
I don't care about what people feel about me because as for me thats not even my problem.
But then, people change.
But of course, you can't make everyone likes you. Some people just hate others for no relevant reasons.
I also do.
Now, i am living a happy life. I am not living a perfect blair waldorf's like life, but i am happy with myself. With everyone around me. I don't know what they feel about me, cuz thats not important as for now.
I used to be a depressed teenager. I put all the blames on a social network named instagram. I used to stalk pretty girls on insta and felt literally down and start questioning every single thing that doesn't make any sense. Keep asking myself why i am not she, why i was so unlucky for not being she and so on. I used to forget to count on my blessings, despite, i blame God for an unfair life to me. I forgot the existence of the word "appreciate".
Now, i ditch everything that has potential to make me feel down and depressed and start living my life as how it supposed to be.
I am so happy right now even when my life is full of flaws.
Theres no customers this evening, ameera and i were asked to fold all those cake boxes. Whilst doing so, i felt like we should take picture as a memory for us. Tired of taking selfies, i asked abg ucop to help us taking picture. And this happen...
Abg ucop's masterpiece...
"Abg sengetkan eh"
"Ahh apa apa la as long as nampak kitorang dah la"
I started working as kitchen helper at Secret Recipe last 8th December 2014.
Don't be shock. I, myself also hard to believe that i finally is really an adult.
I learn so much things here. I mixed with a lot of people from different backgrounds. I've been dealing with people with different temperaments.
I understand a lot of things that i cant put in words.
Blablabla not in mood for writing.
I'm so thankful to Allah for sending me these wonderful twins to my life. We complete each other. I love them so so much.
Yes, the two men above are twins. They were born on 28th January 1988, turning 27 this year. They are Kelantanese. When i was a kid, i tend to listen people talking bad about Kelantanese. On how racist and sifat perkauman yg tinggi they are. Not to forget when some unresponsible people claimed that Kelantanese men are lazy and let women do everything. I grew up with that fact till i, myself started to hate Kelantanese people; for that reasons. Without thinking. Lols.
But then i met these two minions. They are very rajin, nice and responsible. My old perceptions towards Kelantese automatically faded. Thus, i decided that i will never ever judge anyone anymore before knowing them by myself, and let me judge myself.
When I am comfortable with someone, I will be very clingy and love that someone with all of my heart, I'll do anything to make them happy and enjoy my stay.
When I am not comfortable with someone, automatically I'll hate that someone with all of my heart. People around can tell whether I like or dislike others because it was too obvious.
My dream was always wanted to be nice to people, wanted to be the best person to everyone who knows me but i cant.
Cuz when i love, i will love so much
And when i hate, i will hate so much.
Everyday, i pray to Allah to let me be a nice person, to not let me hate an innocent creature in this world for unrealistic reason ((yes, how can i tell o hate someone because i hate his not-my-type face. He can't change his face. SEE i tend to hate people because i dislike their style and err face!))
I AM SORRY
REALLY REALLY SORRY
BUT YOU CAN NEVER MAKE ME LIKE YOU.
I really hope you stay away from my life. Thank you.
IMasha Allah, what happened to me. Never once in my life, i feel so lost. I still have my loved ones in my life like my family and that one loyal friend, but i am still feel empty.
Please know i want you back. No, its nit that i want you to stick with me forever, i just want you to be by myside , like we used to be. Spending our December together in that jail like place, but i was happy. No matter how annoying and brag you can be.
How can i move on when everything reminded me of you. Your laugh, your face, your silly jokes, your moves, your hair; basically your everything, i miss.
I cry so hard. I was so dependent back then, i let you did everything. You did all those difficult work, i was just helping. Now you left me, i have to do everything alone.
It breaks my heart when i wait, for you. I procrastinate like i used to do before, because i know i have you to settle all those things. But now everything has changed. You pampered me much.
When i listening to indo songs, i remember you. Your jiwangs songs. Oh i miss you.
Did you know i've cried so bad till my eyes hurt. My first cry in this year is for you. Only Allah knows how much i need you right now. I miss talking to you. I miss how we spending time together, when you share a bit of your life with me.
We're like siblings. I've enough dealing with losing sibling, when i lost my sister. Now i lost you.
We know each other for only about 23 days, and i hope you know thats the best 23 days of my life for this time being.
2. Its a healing process, what I've been through right now. Accepting fact that people will come and leave, thus never ever look at someone and say 'he's my one'.
3. Too young to decide. Too young to predict what is going to happen next. Nothing is above His plan. His plan is the best for us, just accept everything with an open heart.
4. My phone is not working. Too sad, deep sobs.
5. Everything's there reminded me of him. I wonder, is he ever wonder about me? Perhaps.
6. Can't wait for my first ever salary.
7. I brought my own can opener because the one in my work place is so hard to use. I have no option except for open all those mushroom cans by myself, no one there to help me anymore. Then, I broke it. Damn. Face palm level 999.
8. Somehow, it saddened me when I see my people. No elaborations.
9. I hate racism. Who ever created it?
10. Who else like liars? But then, if everyone was given a chance, I bet no one wanted to be a liar. But sometimes, that's the only choice we have. Simply don't hate liars, instead, find reasons why they lied.
11. Smile, it will help you a lot, in every way of life.
No, my blog is neither my diary nor journal. So don't expect to know me through my blog. Me when i am writing and the real me is two different person. Note it.
I usually blog when i am sad; just like what everyone did. Hate to admit, i am just like another typical girl.
Sometimes i can be very clingy but most of the times i am feeling sad and lonely. Dealing with loneliness is my second nature. I'm glad to have my family and friends by myside but theres still a room of loneliness inside. Idk what it is.
The worst part about being me is when i hurt, i heal myself because no one by myside to listen to things i wanted to say.
2015 just started about 8 hours ago, and it begins miserably with heartbreak and unworth wonders from temporary people.
Ruefully, i am too stupid.
Too stupid because i know it will happen but i denied my instincts by comforting myself with false hopes.
One day, all these loneliness will go. I will find that mr right.
I lied when i say i need nobody bcs i have me when the truth is i cant cure my broken soul by myself.
Maybe i am better alone.
Last time. No proper goodbye. This is not a surprise. But little B is still sad. I know i should stop.
I just want to be your friend because for me you are amazingly amazing.
I lost word to say.
And i hate this feeling. A feeling i cant understand. Wanted to be loved by wrong person. I deserve better. I believe God has the best plan.
One day, everything will change.
But i really hope you know, when you have no one by yourside, i dont mind be the one who make you laugh. You can treat me like a stupid. Because i am. I am a fool for falling for your fool's gold. And i am truly regret. This bruise heart once again getting hurt.
Funny when i really think that i am strong and can stand by myself when the truth is i am not. I am an egoist, hoping for someone to come and break this locked bruised heart, thats a huge mistake. You are the worst mistake. I flushed you from my life.
I learnt that somethings are better left unsaid.
People will come and leave. We have to deal with it.
And lastly, don't easily fall for temporary people.