Wednesday, February 25, 2015

one last time

Blablabla lets talk about my current fav song 

One Last Time by Ariana Grande

I LOVE THIS SONg SO muCh. From my point of view with the help of youtube comments that i sneak to help me understand this song more, well yeah english is not my mother tongue so that sometimes i don't understand certain things (or so much).

This song is about a girl who ditch her boyfriend bcs of the "I was a liar." 

Wait a minute let me copy the whole lyrics first since right now im in the mood to elaborate the story behind this song from my pov (point of view). Lol lol lol.

It makes me happy, why should i stop right?!  

One Last Time lyrics

I was a liar
I gave into the fire
I know I should've fought it
At least I'm being honest
Feel like a failure
'Cause I know that I failed you
I should've done you better
'Cause you don't want a liar (come on)

And I know, and I know, and I know
She gives you everything but, boy, I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you

So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

I don't deserve it
I know I don't deserve it
But stay with me a minute
I swear I'll make it worth it
Can't you forgive me?
At least just temporarily
I know that this is my fault
I should've been more careful (come on)

And I know, and I know, and I know
She gives you everything but, boy, I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you, baby

So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

I know I should've fought it
At least I'm being honest
But stay with me a minute
I swear I'll make it worth it
'Cause I don't want to be without you

So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go
Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart
All I really care is you wake up in my arms
One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home (yeah)

One last time
I need to be the one who takes you home

.....

The girl ditch the boy but then i think she a lil bit regret. The girl was being a liar to the boy, maybe because the boy was too nice and plain boring (reflected by Robbie Shapiro (matt bennett idk how to spell) since he's in the mv, i couldnt help myself from not imagining him when i listened to this song). The girl kinda like a bad girl. Kinda. Sort of. The boy really love the girl. But she simply throw the boy.

Feel like a failure
'Cause i know that i failed you
I should've have done you better
'Cause u dont want a liar

After a while, the girl realized that the boy is really love her. She wants him back, but he doesn't want a liar. Lying is like a drug. Once u started lying, it becomes addictive until theres time u have no intentiontion to lie but it will pop up automatically, unplanned. Life lesson; do not lie bcs its addictive like nicotine.

And I know, and I know, and I know
She gives you everything but, boy, I couldn't give it to you
And I know, and I know, and I know
That you got everything
But I got nothing here without you

Then, he found another girl who treats him better than the persona. 

Whilst at the same time, the persone realized that she is nothing without the boy.

So one last time
I need to be the one who takes you home
One more time
I promise after that, I'll let you go

So, theres only one wish the persona wants to fulfill for the very last time. She wants to take him home and then she promised she will let him go; she will never ask for anything else. She wants to fix some things that she knew unfixable cuz he has found a better replacement; well at least she try.

Baby, I don't care if you got her in your heart

After all, this is the saddest part. This is the biggest lie. Thats why she says shes a liar. 

Liar

Halla blogga. Made me first attempt to commercialize (lol why i do speak like i have a thousand fans) my instagram, but then, again, i feel like a stewpid. Perhaps i am stupid since day one. 

Maybe i don't belong instagram. 

But then, LETS GET HAPPY.

i mean hello i am Bobby i don't an ig acc to make me feel better, all i need is me and my minions to make me happy.

Ha ha 

I'm a liar. 

Kbye

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Love people, used money

Lately i tend to get emotional. I hate it! I feel like a rubbish. I get angry and touched over the smallest things ever then i act strange till everyone notice. 

I hate it. I hate being an attention seeker. I'd rather be a wallflower. Lol no. Ahhh i dont even know what i want.

I hate to admit that i want to be the centre of attention every time, all the time. 

But then, who doesnt right?

To be treated like a baby all the time.

To be loved and cared by people around us.

Plus, i'm a girl. 

Yupp, i'm a girl, not yet a lady. I am treated like a girl; which i dont know am i supposed to get sad or happy? Its a mixed feeling when you're almost 18 and treated like a kid. 

But, by treated like that, people around me simply knew their limit. They don't do vulgar jokes and i felt respected every time they appologize for their inappropriate manners when they realized they did something wrong and might hurt my feelings.

I'm afraid. Again.

I can still feel that theres a presence of dark spot in my heart; that always make me feel jealous on things i shouldnt. Insha Allah one day, the dark spot gonna be washed away. In shaa Allah.

I want to be a nice person. I want to help people when they're facing hardships in life. I want to listen to everyone's experiences; i want to learn from them. Its not fun doing the same mistake all over again, there's so much things in this world, do not repeat the same things and expect for difference products. If u do so, heres words dedicate for you , "remain in your hole forever."

People said do not dig your own grave hole. But what if, digging your own grave is the best way to not be a burden to anyone. I mean, LOOK i need no human being to help when i die, don't quarrel over my death, i prepare everything all by myself.

"Love people and used money."

Hmmm. 

I did it backwardly. I tend to love money and used people.

I love money.

But alas, who doesnt right?






Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Healthy soul

IHere's another lonely night. 

God, tell me what i want. But all i can feel is emptiness. My thoughts gone wild. I myself couldn't resist. 

Stuck.

Afraid. Thinking of the future. An unsure future. 

Of faded dreams and turning myself into someone i hate.

Everything is not enough. If feeling like this is a nature to every normal human being, god pls tell me i'm not normal bcs i dont want to live my life with regrets. These kind of feelings of not enough and always want more is not a good sign of healthy soul.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Same

I've met a lot of people. Not really a lot, but a numerous, i should say. 

Okay listen. Before this, when i were a school kid back then, i only mix with my circle. I rarely talk to others. Heh, i am loud and talkative, but here i repeat, only with my circle of friends. I didn't join school programmes because i was lazy. I consider myself as a social-awkward freak. I do look like a friendly person, i tend to start a conversation but frankly speaking, i am not comfortable. I only socialize with people i want to socialize, but no worries, i am really a nice person and i do socialize with a lot of people. Krkrkrkr.

As i finished school, i do part time job. As what ive stated before, i am working as waitress/kitchen helper at Secret Recipe, a well-known restaurant in this entire country. We have the best cake in this country.(promote!)

The first few weeks were the most tiring and exhausted phase. Oh well, i never stand for an entire day. Somehow my leg felt like separated apart.

The entire purpose of this post is i want to share what i got throughout my journey working part time in this restaurant.

Of course, Ive met a lot of people. My coworkers are coming from different states of this country. They are coming from different backgrounds and somehow each one of them have different temperaments. 

I'm afraid this might sound cliche. 

It is cliche.

Verily, i'm not a good writer. I can't put in words what i really want to share. I dont have the talents. 

My coworkers- these amazing people Allah send to me. I believe, Allah surrounded me with this kind of people for me to learn something from them.

They don't have an angel-like behaviours, instead they are so satanish hahahaha but i still love them.

Honestly, they don't have any criterias fit anyone's dream soulmate. They simply denying their responsiblities as Allah's slaves. They do make filthy jokes related to sex- which i pretend i dont understand but the reality truth is i understand every single thing they were talking about. Well i am clinging on "something are better left unsaid." Besides, i do know more than they know actually. But, to not ruining my image as an innocent kid infront of them, i act like i know nothing. Thats the best decision, i guess. Ha ha ha.

But hey, even though i do understand their sex-related jokes, i still hate it. It seriously make you look classless when you discuss sex publicly, moreover in this Islamic country. Its so inappropriate. I cannot brain this.

Just what i stated above, most of my coworkers living life different compared to mine. Different compared to my friends' lives. 

Every one of them has a story to tell. 

Every one of them has reasons on what make them who they are now.

Every one of them has their own opinions towards things around them.

Every one of them struggling from problems that may or may not be solved.

...

In a nutshell, i deducted that everyone of us is the same. No matter who are, how decent family you are from, how much money you have, how handsome/ beautiful you are, how nice you are, how educated you are, how popular you are, at the end of the day little did i know that everyone is the same.

Everyone has dealing with pains.

Everyone has doubts in their heads.

Everyone is dealing with unstable emotions.

Everyone experienced one of those days feeling really sad and grief for no relevant reasons. 

Everyone wants to live life to the fullest.

Everyone wants to love and be loved.

Everyone once felt really lonely.

Everyone do feel that no one understands them.

Everyone once losing faith.

Everyone once felt hopeless.

All i can say is, do not judge. 
Do not judge
Do not judge
Do not judge
Do not judge

Do not think you are better than anyone else, keep in mind that everyone is the same. 

Gloomy day will be replaced. So no worries. 

Just close your eyes and enjoy the roller coster of life.

.......

I thank Allah for everything He gave me. I could never ask for anything better.

My friends keep telling me that my work is not worthful. Most of my friends are working as a boutique helper. Their jobs basically do nothing. Ruefully, we earn a same amount of money. 

I said back, maybe i don't worth working here on economy factor but i learn a lot of things others don't have oppurtunities to get one. I make friends, experiences and perhaps broadened my mind; seeing things in different angles. 

Xoxo 
Bobster <3

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Never be

Enjoy your life now cuz you will never be as young as you are now. 

Do good things.

Be nice to people.

Say good words.

Appreciate people around you.

Tell your mother how much you love her.

Show your father you love him by following all his commands.

Tell your lover you can't live without his/her presence.

Love everyone.

Do not find for others' flaws.

Stay focus.

Don't spread hates.

Treat people as you want people treat you.

Read books.

Take time to appreciate nature.

Eat good food.

Keep wondering about small things but don't overthink it cuz it might kill you slowly.

Write to your bestfriend.

Spend your money wisely.

Love yourself <3

Monday, February 2, 2015

Feb

Judging is a human nature. Don't deny it, everyone of us tend to judge others based on their appearance. 

We labelled others. 

I sometimes simply labelled someone bitch just as bcs she dressed up like one. What encourage me to say that because i know i dressed properly than her at the time i was judging her. 

What if,

That bitch is having a bigger heart than me. 
 
Masha Allah, what am i doing.

What if the person i've dissed is the one whos going to give me a helping hand when i was in trouble.

What if the person i simply labelled bitch has a better ending than me.

I mean. You can do anything you want while you were living, its your journey. 

But what counts the most is what you end up being. Who you are when you sip your last breath. Because people will remember you based on what you end up being.

Because past is past.

I am afraid. So afraid.

What if i end up being someone bad.
 
Masha Allah.

Innalillah.

I hate to say this but i'm not having a pure heart. I tend to judge and look down others. What make me sad even more, i know what i done wrong but i take zero endeavours to fix things up.

I want everyone to love me, love my presence and feel lost and empty when i'm not around. The fact that people enjoy my absence is sadden me. I am a total insignificant to everyone. 

What if i end up being spinster for the rest of my life due to my ignorant.

I want a happy life.

I want to make everyone's day.


Plan

I keep telling myself, do not regret cuz whatever happen is meant to happen and thats the best thing could ever happen to me. Allah has plan it all.

Indeed, Allah is the best planner.

Losing words to say. I'm lose. I am a loser. 

Idk.

Let me live happily. 

Help me figure out what i want to do in life.