Sunday, March 29, 2015
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Friday, March 27, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Clock is ticking, endlessly.
Changes. Life is all about dealing with changes.
Yesterday, i was so happy for everything, i am thankful for every single thing i have. I was a cheerful person, i motivate others to love themselves, to look at things in different perspectives, to not judge others quickly, to understand others well, to try fit yourself in their shoes first, to put a smile on face, to view every problem as an obstacle in order for to achieve for a better future, to appreciate little things in life, to pursue their dreams, to not care what people say because its impossible to make everyone happy once and to live life to the fullest as we only live this life to solace ourselves.
Today, i am a total different person. I was feeling numb, useless, fat, ugly, stupid and as all the bad words were invented for me.
3 hours ago, i felt like killing myself. Overthinking over every single thing and started to presume everything. Consequently, i end up crying in the washroom's cubicle. Sobbing as i lost my husband. Shamefully, i am still figuring out why i was crying that bad. You must think i am deeling with serious mental illness if i say that i was crying for no reasons. Lol.
So to deny everyone's sick idea upon Sharifah Nuraina Syed Nahar is a mental illness patient, let me state the reason why i was crying pathetically several hours ago.
I'm afraid of changes. I'm at this point which i am totally comfortable with everything and somehow i want this circumstance to remain unchange forever. Even when i know its impossible.
It's impossible for me to stick anyone to be by my side forever.
It's impossible to be a baby forever, even babies grow up and be a man.
It's impossible for a rose to stay fresh and bloom sweet scent forever, one time, it will dry.
It's impossible to stay young forever.
It's impossible to live forever.
It's impossible to be happy every single day, everytime.
Regardless of everything, no matter how hard you try to keep things on track, theres always things happen that try to make everything upside down. Due to some reasons, change is a must.
After minutes of crying in the toilet, after spending time letting overthinking took over me, i got the idea that what meant to happen is still going to happen.
Adapt with changes is a value i'm lacking.
I have to adapt changes.
I am an ambitious girl. Yes keep that in mind.