Sunday, March 27, 2016

voided heart

You know that people will appreciate what they don't have, while they have it, the values of their things suddenly dropped drastically and once they lose it, the values will rise extra-gigantically. 

For a better understanding

Before any further elaborating and writing, I would like to apologize to myself and readers (if any) for my lacking skills on writing. If you realized, lately my writing and language skills are getting numb and dumb. Engineering trait eh? hahaha. Due to busyness , which I can probably tell, bajet busy and not productive type of busy, instead; complaining of having A LOT of WORKS and STRESS OUT but endeavoring zero effort to repair situation. Okay blablabla, the only point is that I wanted to say that I've been reading less lately and my writing skills getting worse. I can barely thinking of any suitable words right now. On daily basis, I communicate and interact with people by using my mother tongue which is Malay. Informal Malay. The harshy mushy Malay language. So pardon me if I somehow wrote Malay because I cannot think of any English verbs. Again, repetition. OMG how bad is my writing skills right now. I really hope that no one give a fuck when i write in Malay. Soon, I'll be the usual B. Just pray for me.

WOW , writing does make me feel better.

Let's stick with the topic of the day. Value of something.

This couple of years, there are like a tornado that hit my family and I and all of us having had no other option except for just accept with. No other option. Whether we redha or not, we needed to redah. The family are somehow falling apart. Everyone changes. Taking their responsibilities and do life in their own ways. No longer standing as a strong unit. It's sad. Very sad actually.

I was raised with love. Love from my both parents, siblings, maids and people around. I never appreciate the value of love, instead I tend to choose money in every way. I am blinded with the quote of 'love the unloved'. I blamed my too much family love as because I am happy and loved and cukup kasih sayang that's why i dont have any boyfriend. How narrow.

I am cocky. I wanted the best. I rejected everyone, I chose my friends, I dont keep in touch with former friends, teachers and all the networks i used to work/be with. I judged people from different family backgrounds for their lacking of love. I claimed everyone attention seeker and tak cukup kasih sayang. I never actually appreciate my strong bond of family unit...

until the day i lost it.

and i can do nothing to fix it. This heart is voided. I am now living so far apart from my family. I should say, every single person from the family is dealing life in their own preference way. How sad. I miss having a true family. I miss the family vacations. 

we are still family. I know my dad loves me too much, my mom does. But, from my observation, the bond is getting looser. Sister is married. That's the first big loophole. Now, no matter what we've done together as a family, there is still insufficient. Not completed. Something is wrong somewhere. 

Dear everyone who still have a strong family bond, do appreciate it.

 - It's okay to not have a significant others while everyone in your age has, 
-it's okay to ask for permissions from your parents everytime you wanted to step out from the house, 
- it's okay to feel extremely angry and unintentionally cursed to your family members when they are being annoying
- it's okay to lock yourself in the room for the entire day as a sign of rebellion

Always put your family first.

Family is everything. Do realize it before you lose it.

Please I'm begging you.

Once you felt that there is a void resulted on the lacking of family love, you will suffer more. Everything is suddenly so wrong. Stay focus is the hardest thing to do. The simplest thing can be the most complicated existence in your life.

money is also important.

but trust me love, you can find money, you can replace boyfriends/ girlfriends/friends, you can change partners ((not all marriages success)), 

but one thing for sure.

No other things can replace family & their love.

1 comment:

  1. Your writting is good actually. Sometimes kena yakin je walaupun broken en. Yeah I've read through your blog and i think it's quite interesting. Hope to see more